PMS Symptoms? Cannabis to the Rescue
There are two types of women in the world: those who get unbearable PMS, and those lucky few who are favoured by fortune. Seriously, some of us get it, some of us just don’t. The PMS queens out there know that cramps can leave us rocking back and forth in a fetal position, trying to navigate our priorities: to shit ourselves or vomit everywhere. Sorry, but it’s the truth. PMS-induced mood swings can lead to the loss of important friendships, jobs, and relationships! GASP. You don’t want that do you? This is very serious. There’s nothing worse than calling in sick only to hear your skeptic boss respond “hmm period cramps eh, okay sure… rest up Sally”. Or that time bae came home with Starbucks and was all “I got you a mocha frap–no sweetener–your favourite!” and instead of saying thank you, you respond “BITCH YOU DON’T KNOW ME!”
If you’re a good person you probably hate the things you do while PMSing, but don’t worry, it’s not your fault.
Traditionally women would post up and do nothing for a few days during their periods. In the Muslim tradition, women take a break from all prayer and duty while menstruating. And Native Americans honour their women during their menstruation. They believe that menstruating women have heightened spiritual powers and go to them for guidance and advice. Some tribes build tipis for menstruating women to rest in and have some girl time. And what do we get, us westernized peeps? Weird stigmas, annoying closed off people who don’t understand, and judging stares when we smash a whole cake to the face in under 4 minutes. Plus we’re expected to maintain a 40 hour work week, take care of the family, maintain a social life and also have some time for ourselves?
If you’re wondering, yes, I am writing this whilst PMSing. Luckily, that doesn’t void any validity in what I’m saying. Oh, that’s another thing, why do people devalue our emotions and blame them on PMS? Like, we’re still humans and our emotions are still legit, they’re just heightened by hormones. So eat the cake, or else we will.
Anyways, now that that’s off my chest (phew), let’s talk about how cannabis can help with our symptoms, and oh boy, can it ever!
Women are RAVING about Yoni Care suppositories for diminishing bloating and cramping. I’ve tried so many holistic remedies that simply don’t work, so naturally I’m a skeptic. This is why I had to try these things for myself. I bought my pack of Yoni Care suppositories and waited for the big day. As per usual she hit me hard when she rolled through. Headache (that’s a new one for me), terrible bloating, and of course cramps that could only be delivered from Satan himself. The Yoni Care includes 40-50mg of organic cannabis resin, solidified in cocoa butter, so it is truly a natural product. Once inserted, it’s recommended to lay down on your side for 15-20 minutes to allow it to absorb and make sure it doesn’t fall out. I was pleasantly surprised by the results. This is the ONLY thing that has worked in place of Advil. The cramps became mild, my bloating went down and my headache was gone. The biggest question I had was, ‘will this get me high?’ The answer, for me at least, was hardly. I didn’t feel high, but I did feel a tiny bit sleepy. I was fully able to work and I wasn’t kneeling down praying to the period Gods to lend me some mercy. So that was a bonus. I would recommend this product to anyone who suffers from horrible cramps and bloating- it’s definitely worth a shot!
It’s no secret that cannabis has pain relieving effects.THC (the psychoactive compound in marijuana) has been proven to enhance mood and appetite, as well as relieve nausea and muscle pain (bye, bye cramps). Smoking a joint or ingesting THC can help take the edge off and release some of the stress that comes with PMS. I should first say that this is highly personal, and there’s so many variables that create a high, so the major key is to sample strains for yourself and see what feels right for you. Here are my 3 favourite strains for mood boosting and cramp soothing:
This heavy indica strain really does a great job targeting bodily pain. When smoking I’ve found it to be particularly effective in relieving low back pain, leg soreness, and stomach cramping. Because this is a super heavy indica I wouldn’t suggest this strain if you plan to be productive. But if you have the day off and the luxury of some rest, I definitely recommend this to help reduce the pain.
This strain makes the list because of its extreme mood boosting effects. I’ve found the high to be giggly and euphoric. The best part is you can be fully functioning on this one, it’s my go-to when I have to work or be productive whilst in pain. Being a sativa-dominant hybrid, it lends just the right amount of clarity while still providing a body high strong enough to relieve cramps.
This is my favourite to smoke when I’m grumpy during the days (and sometimes weeks) before menstruation. It’s a chill strain and really just takes the edge off. Being an indica-dominant hybrid it isn’t too heavy but just enough to help the rage subside. You’ll be feeling like yourself again after a couple hoots.
Another great way to soothe cramps is heat. We all know the power of a bath during those painful first couple of days. I like to smoke a joint in the bath, whilst soaking in Cannalife’s “Calm” infused bath salts. It’s like my mini western version of a “period vacation”. The essential oils help soothe away stress, while the heat and salts relax the muscles.
Topicals are another great option. Topicals in the form of salve, lotion, butters, and sprays contain active THC, but they won’t get you high. They work because of receptors in our endocannabinoid systems called the CB2 receptors. Phytocannabinoids (like CBG, CBD, THC) bind to these receptors and aid in relieving acute pain. Topicals work on healing localized pain, inflammation, and muscle pain.
Point Blank Period
There’s hope. It may not heal PMS completely (after all, you can’t stop your cycle from doing it’s thing), but it can surely help our time of the month be more graceful. Thank you (and curse you) mother nature!